The Romantic Power of a Post-It Note

sticky-note-294627_640You know what I’m talking about, the bright yellow sticky notes you find all around the office and home as little reminders.  Normally they represent work to me but I’ve found that some good can come out of a Post-It note.  In fact, I’ve found that those little yellow stickies are powerful tools in my dating life.  Confused?  Well then read on, my friend…

apartments-laundry-room

Let’s roll the clock back and I’m in San Francisco and doing my laundry in the laundry room of my small apartment building.  While popping my clothes into the dryer I strike up a conversation with a pretty blue-eyed blonde doing her wash.  Over the course of 10 minutes we realize we both work for the same company albeit in different departments.  I say goodbye to Jennifer, head on upstairs and have a DOH! Homer Simpson moment.  Dude, why didn’t you ask her out for a date?!  I head on back down to the laundry room and Jennifer is gone.  Clothes has been loaded in the washer but she’s back up in her apartment.

HomerSimpsonDoh

Now the apartment building is not big, 16 units but I have no clue what her name is and of course, which unit she’s in.  So I trudge back upstairs, annoyed at myself with the lack of foresight to ask her out right there and then.  Then brilliance strikes, I grab my yellow Post-It pad and leave her a note on her washer.  Something to the effect that I wanted to continue our conversation over a glass of wine.  It’s a long shot but what the hell.  I head on back upstairs folding my clothes and then 30 minutes later there’s a knock on my door.  And yes, it’s Jennifer with a bottle of chilled white wine and a glass in hand, woohoo!  Now could you ever imagine a post-it note could do that?

ParkingLot

And if you think it’s a one time occurrence, think again.  Years later, I’m in NC and as I head out back and forth to my car, I see a cute brunette.  Over the course of several weeks, we have several brief neigh-versations.  You know, those short conversations you have with someone you sort of know.  Sarah is in law school at UNC: smart, curvy and very pretty.  I’m trying to work up the courage to ask her out but haven’t had a good opening yet.  Then I realize I’m moving out of Chapel Hill soon and I didn’t know when I would see Sarah again, if ever.  Doh!

HomerSimpsonWoohoo

So what do I do?  You got it, buddy!  Post-It note on her car because that’s the only thing I knew about her.  A couple of days later I get a call from Sarah and we plan our first date, cha-ching.

With-Love-Post-it-Note-300x202

Now I’m not claiming that Post-It notes can save the day, every day but darn it!  I’m two for two in getting dates with pretty women with the power of a Post-It note.  So 3M, how about a customer case study?  I’m pretty sure my story about the power of your Post-It notes has never been told….

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Women and Tall Guys, Don’t Let it Get the Breast of You

Shawn-Bradley-and-Fan

Have you ever noticed how women just love tall guys?  Not just the tall women but the short, barely 5-footers love to look up at a tall dude.  And its been shown that most corporate executives are pretty tall and that every inch of height represents an average salary increase.  As a shorter dude, does it bother me a bit?  Sure it does because it all sounds so superficial and in all honesty, the world can be pretty superficial at times.  But when it comes to choosing guys, I think it can be a dangerous way for women to make a decision.

Elephant

I’m pretty sure when a girl meets a taller guy, she’s thinking he’s super-masculine and can protect her.  And maybe he’s hung like an elephant.  All reasonable assumptions to make but in my experience, not always so accurate.  I remember my friend, Annie who had a super-tall boyfriend.  Annie was barely 5′ tall and her guy Matt was 6′ 6″.  A baseball pitcher in college, a bit lanky, she would show him off to friends and family.  But as a guy I noticed that Matt would always avoid going out with Annie and her friends.  I suspected he didn’t like me much because I was really close with Annie and even though she was super-attractive, I had never slept with her or even made much of an effort.  But I sensed he was uncomfortable with me around and all I could think was “what a bitch!”  So over the two-plus years they dated, I never made much mention of him but as a guy judging another guy, I really didn’t think much of him.

Feline

Fast-forward to the end of their relationship.  Annie and Matt had shared an expensive apartment in the Castro (SF) and had been having difficulties.  She had some friction with his family and things hadn’t been going well.  She comes home one night and the place has been cleared out.  Matt had taken all his stuff and disappeared.  No letter, no call, no voicemail to explain the situation. Just up and left my friend Annie after 2+ years like a whisper in the night.  She’s now saddled with an expensive apartment lease and thinking WTF?!  And all I can think was that guy was a total pussy.  And I wasn’t far off in my opinion of him as a man, regardless of his height.

BraBoobs

Now in comparison for guys, I know we like large breasts, boobs, whatever you want to call it.  For a while all the women I dated and chased after were all C-cups and larger. And dear Denise with her Double-D’s, the angels sang from the heavens the first time I saw her naked.  There’s nothing like a nice pair of boobs to accentuate a woman’s figure.  But while I loved Denise’s breasts, they were just a part of her.  She had an average face, she was bright and reasonably ambitious.  I didn’t let her lovely and beautiful boobs color my vision of who she was as a woman and a dating partner.  Eventually it didn’t work out between her and I, no big deal (pun intended).

NeilTysonDegrasse

What I’m getting at is ladies, don’t overlook what a man is about just because of his height.  Whether he’s short or tall, he better have the qualities, personality, brains and heart to be a good partner.  And certainly don’t assume just because a guy is tall that he is the MAN (or a Renaissance man like Neil Tyson Degrasse, see above).  In my experience, tall dudes are often pretty gawky and awkward which is the price they pay for their length.  The average Special Forces guy, some of the fittest dudes on the planet, are usually 5′ 10″ to 6′ for a reason.

ArmyRangers

The point is that while I love a good pair of boobs, they don’t overwhelm and over-ride by overall opinion of a woman and what she brings to the table.  Recently my friend posted pics on her Facebook of her and her new guy Brian, a super-tall guy that towers over her.  While all the women were liking the photo and oohing and aww-ing all I could think was, “damn, that guy is sort of an ugly mofo”.  I’m just hoping he doesn’t abandon her two years into their relationship but yeah, I need to meet the guy and see!

FrontOpenBra

Now y’all don’t have to agree with me, especially the tall guys but what can I say?  A great person is a great person and a shitty person a shitty person regardless of height and/or breast size.  So sure enjoy his height and notice her great rack but you might want to scratch the surface and get in a little deeper when you want to consider and invest in a dating partner.  It’s not all about getting Likes on Facebook my friend…

 

 

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Embarassing Kid Shit, Good Memories or Not So Good Memories?

EmbarrassingFranksBeans

As time passes, memories from my childhood get increasingly fuzzy and hard to remember. It sorta sucks because there’s so much chaos as a youngster that you wish you could remember all your silly and stupid stories.  But then there are those moments of total embarrassment that stick in your head like a vivid memory.  And thankfully, those will always stay burned in the mind map of your adult brain.

CarnivalBalloons

One thing I do remember was having this favorite and totally rude t-shirt that I used to wear all the time.  I won some sort of silly carnival game (probably darts and a balloon) and was able to pick an iron-on of a really funny cartoon image.  I remember my sister carefully ironing it on for me on your basic white t-shirt and then my running off to show it off proudly.  What exactly was on that t-shirt??

Save-a-Tree-Eat-A-Beaver

Hah, before I tell you, understand that I had NO clue what it meant.  And probably neither did my immigrant mother.  But it was a brightly colored tree felled over with a big, smiling and toothy beaver next to the tree.  And yeah, you can guess what the t-shirt said:  “Save a Tree, Eat a Beaver!”  And I thought it was the funniest damn thing given how it was a clever twist on a phrase.  Yeah, I wore that t-shirt a lot over two summers and there MUST have been some double-take’s from adults.  I’m not sure what kind of mom I had, letting me out with that t-shirt on….

JeepGrandCherokee

The other embarrassing moment I could think of was hanging out in the back of my friend’s Jeep Grand Cherokee as we headed off for ice cream or something.  Understand that my friend’s family was a very conservative and well-off family.  Well-off in the tens of millions and maybe the hundred million dollar level.  I mean they actually have a family foundation doing charity work in New England now.

FuckYou

So I’m in the back seat of the jeep and some idiot cuts the vehicle off and is just being a Mass-hole in general.  I’m not sure what gets into me, maybe I was feeling a bit randy but anger wells up in me like water coming through a fire hose.  Not remembering where I’m at, I scream out a loud “Fuck you” at the offensive vehicle and blow out the double-barreled middle-fingers to this transgressor.  And of course in the Jeep, total silence and shock.  And yes, I’m totally embarrassed with nowhere to go.  We get to our destination, I give a sheepish look, shoulders rounded over and skulk away as everyone one disembarks from the Jeep, ouch….

FadingMemories

Yeah, youth is wasted on kids and sometimes I guess I’m glad my memories are fading.  And I guess if you want to remember them, all you need to do is blog them online, eh?

 

 

 

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How About Driver’s Education? But For Adults…

drivers-ed-cartoon

Have you ever thought about how many bad drivers there are out there?  I mean, you take some drivers ed classes when you’re 16 or 17 with the goal being the ability to navigate roads, understand basic driving rules and surviving the first couple of years behind the wheel.  But let’s fast-forward to ten years later and while most have learned to handle themselves behind the wheel from a survival basis, there are still a LOT of awful driving habits out there.

Must've Been an Angel...

So as someone who used to ride a motorcycle and also drives a manual for my cars, I’ve got several goals when I get behind the wheel: Get from point A to B as quickly and safely as possible, minimize hard acceleration and braking, drive smoothly through the turns.  Overall it’s mostly about saving gas and wear and tear on your vehicle, driving in a predictable fashion and flowing with traffic.  Really basic rules for any experienced driver.

CarBrakeLights

But I see so many incorrect habits on the road.  One is tapping on the brakes or riding your brakes.  There are inexperienced drivers who drive with two feet on the pedals and they inadvertently have the brake pedal pushed down, slightly.  What’s that mean?  People  behind you react and/or don’t know when you’re truly braking.  Plus you’re wasting gas and brake pad.  Tapping the brakes and over-reacting to what’s in front of you is also the same deal.  I hate driving behind these people and get around as quickly as possible.

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Left-lane hogs.  Yeah, people drive over the speed limit but it’s not your job to enforce the speed limit.  The left-lane is for passing so if you’ve got cars behind you, speed up and pass or just pull over a lane to the right.  If you don’t do this, cars will pass you on your right-hand side causing more issues.  Just don’t sit in the left-hand land unconscious, let faster traffic pass you on the left.  You can get the same issue in the middle lane creating a rolling road block but it’s less of an issue.

highway-merge

Merging onto highways.  Have you ever seen some poor senior citizen at a total stop trying to get on the highway? Ouch, way to make it much harder for yourself and your slowing reflexes.  You need to keep up your speed to merge properly and you need to adjust to the highway traffic and find your spot.  Don’t merge on without taking a look to the left and seeing the lane traffic.  And if it’s really dense, zipper the lanes.  That means you signal, open up enough space between you and the car in front of you and merge the lanes safely and fairly.  Both lanes of traffic need to follow this basic rule to maximize safety and speed for everyone, basic stuff.

dmv-DACA

In the end, we drive something like 2.9 trillion miles on the road in this country every year.  If we drove more efficiently and effectively, we might be able to not only save lives but also save a lot of gas.  I mean, who really wants to be stuck in traffic behind a shitty highway accident?  Or wants to get to work frustrated over a bad driver in front of you?  So I’m thinking it would be great if every 5 – 10 years, we went back to DMV for Adult Driving tips.  Not only would we be more alert and better drivers, it would allow DMV to pull the licenses of those whose skills had deteriorated badly.  It would also mean state income and funding for other DMV and highway projects for the area.  I really think it just makes too much sense given technological advances today.  Imagine jumping into a Driver’s Ed simulator that would score your driving effectiveness, not just following basic rules.

Well there’s my crazy idea for the day, Driver’s Ed for Adults!  Whaddya think, does it make sense?

 

 

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Shitty Summer Jobs, God How I Miss Them!

AdventureLand

Can you remember back to when you were in high school or college and how you had to pick up some crappy summer job for three months?  Maybe it was working an ice cream stand or in an office stuffing envelopes.  My three summer jobs during college ranged from fast food to stocking shelves to doing highway inspections in Massachusetts.  And I gotta say they may not have seemed fun at the time but boy, do I miss those experiences!  I’ve been doing corporate America for more years than I can remember so it’s easy to grow fond about those shitty summer jobs you used to do!

OldSchoolBKUniform

I remember my first summer job after my freshman year of college was working at Burger King.  Yep, hot summers spent making burgers in a greasy fast-food kitchen.  Slap the frozen patties on the grill, make some chicken sandwiches with a splash of mayo and lettuce, pulling out fry baskets when the alarm went off, woohoo!  And every now and then, I’d go crazy and sneak an extra slice of bacon on the bacon cheeseburgers to make somebody’s day a little bit better.

Sixteen-Candles-molly-ringwald

But it wasn’t all that bad because you were hanging around a bunch of 16 – 20 year olds goofing around too.  And yes, cute little high school girls.  I remember coming back to my prep station to find a burger wrapped with the words “Gia ❤ Rob” inscribed in grease-pen on it.  Awww, my little Italian co-worker had a crush on me.  And yes, there were quite a few hot young girls working at the BK even when they were wearing polyester.  So while it wasn’t a fun job, it wasn’t boring and that’s just perfect for a long summer!

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My next job came courtesy of my dad who wrangled me a summer of inspecting highways for his civil engineering firm, HNTB.  Totally different experience and a much more professional experience, you might say.  We had an introductory dinner where I got to meet two of the other summer interns from Tufts University and I think UMass Boston.  And this was one of my first times I got to experience racism from a girl, go figure.  One of the interns was from Southie, a notoriously clannish and racist neighborhood in Boston.  She expounded during dinner on how much she didn’t care for “Chinky and wop food”,  I remember turning around to the other intern with lifted eyebrows and all we were thinking inside was “O-M-G!”

WestfieldRiverOverpass

But the rest of the summer was spent driving up and down this long stretch of a toll road called the Mass Turnpike.  We’d check under bridges for exposed rebar, spalling/scaling of concrete and more.  And let’s just say there are a LOT of overpasses on the Mass Turnpike and I saw most of them.  But none more scary than the Westfield bridge and overpasses near the Berkshire Mountains.  Massachusetts is pretty flat until you headed out west.  One bridge I inspected was one of the scariest moments in my life.  Maybe 150′ drop to a river gorge, you made you way across a 24″ metal walkway hanging under the highway.  The pathway had two handrails on either side with lots of space to plummet to your death.  The walkway was covered in slippery pigeon crap and spiderwebs would cut across the way.  Every now and then, there would be a cross-beam to step or clamber over which just added to the obstacle course.  And on TOP of all that, the walkway was bouncing a lot due to traffic overhead.  This was not how I planned on earning my $6.50 an hour, preparing to die.  I never made it to the final bridge, the Westfield cause I just wasn’t able to face a 300′ drop.

supermarket blur

My final summer job (I bailed out on highway inspections as you can guess) was stocking the supermarket on overnight shifts.  Yes, all day customers pulled their groceries off the shelf and then a rag-tag group of guys would stock em all night, into the wee hours to prepare for the morning rush.  And as you can guess, you didn’t have the brightest bulbs in the box working the graveyard shift at a supermarket.

TeddiePeanutButter

You’d spend a good chunk of your night tearing open large cardboard boxes, stocking shelves, facing the fronts and then breaking down and dumping boxes.  A radio would sit nearby pumping out classic rock and you’d BS about guy stuff.  Talk (or lie) about who you slept with recently and give each other shit.  But of course it got boring at times.  You’d find ways to entertain yourself.  I remember one guy opening up large buckets of peanut butter and writing “Fuck You” for some unwary customer.  Ahh, I feel better now!  And let’s just say, this wasn’t my best choice of summer employment options, even if I avoided crawling under a bridge covered in pigeon shit.

FuckSummer

So now that I’m all growed up, I look fondly back at those shitty summer jobs.  Because they were stupid and fun regardless of how mindless they are.  And even though nowadays I make a lot more money, have a lot more responsibility and work with great peers, adult jobs are shitty in their own way.  And rarely as much fun as it was when you were in the dog days of summer as a twenty-year old.

Ain’t that the truth?!

 

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Bad Boys on Business Trips

business-travel

Have you ever been stuck on a boring old business trip?  Maybe out to Boise or Cleveland with some hum-drum eats, beige hotel room and general malaise?  Yeah, most business trips are not nearly as much fun as people claim they are on social media.  But every now and then, you have a great and crazy little trip compacted into a productive work visit.  They are rare occurrences but sometimes the stars align and yeah, a little bit of hell breaks loose.

mandalay_bay_las_vegas

During one of my first business trips to Las Vegas, I was working a conference at Mandalay Bay.  And as luck would have it, a school buddy was a marketing manager for the hotel group that runs the Bellagio and Venetian, nice!  I spend four long days at the show booth and by Thursday, was definitely ready for a drink.  My friend Mert, was a funny, energetic fellow. He had already arranged tickets for Blue Man Group for that evening and those tickets are EX-pensive.  But as a Marketing Manager, he had pretty good access to these perks.

Blue_man_Logo

So I meet up with him at a friend in the Mandalay Bay restaurant after a quick dinner, we grab one of his female friends and it’s off to Blue Man Group!  And what an amazing show it is.  In Las Vegas, these permanent shows allow for custom made sets and for a first-timer, your mind is blown.  Banging on PVC pipes, spitting out paint balls along with hammers and splashes of paint set to techno and electronica.  The finale of paper being pulled from the back of the theater through the crowd is an interactive and creatively fun ending, woohoo!

crazy horse int

After we’re done with the show we head on over to a dance club and Mert orders up a bottle and mixers for our table, my guess is at least $300.  As the night wears on, scantily clad beauties sidle up to the table and gyrate with us. But a drink later and poof, they’re gone.  Aha, the infamous Las Vegas drink ho!  I think we’ve spotted her.  But no big deal, we’re having a good time.  At 3am our next stop is the Crazy Horse Lounge for some more “dancing”.  But at this point of the night we’ve gone through a lot of money so it’s a couple of lap dances and we head back home in the convertible as the sun comes up.  Ahh, Vegas!

HangoverConvertible

There’s a round of hugs and handshakes goodbye, I crawl up to my room for maybe 90 minutes of sleep to catch an early flight.  Bleary-eyed I get up, drag my bags down and meet up with my co-worker Kristin.  We both look awful due to the wear and tear of the show but I’ve got some extra mileage on my side.  I trudge on to the back of the plane and it’s a long or short flight back full of me snoring home.  Yes, it doesn’t get much better or worse than that.  In the short span of maybe 9 hours, I probably dropped easily $300 without any food and not sure what my friend spent but OMG.

montreal-skyline-from

And I have to confess, that Las Vegas biz trip was not the naughtiest one I was involved with.  Back when I lived in SF, I worked for the IT department of a large retailer.  We were in the process of outsourcing our whole department to IBM so everyone was in a terrible funk.  I was slated to go to a tech conference in Montreal given a project I was leading but next thing you know, I was joined by three of my fellow teammates.  Two out of the three were married, the third a long time single guy.

Montreal_Clubbing_0200

When we arrive in Montreal, things devolved pretty quickly.  It’s the first time I’ve been back to this lovely city in ages but apparently my co-workers have DONE their research.  While Montreal has always been known for its strip clubs, what I hadn’t realized is that escorts and prostitution is legal in Montreal.  And I had forgotten how beautiful French-Canadian women are.  The international mix of French, Italians, Canadians, and more in this very Euro-centric city lends to a population of lithe beautiful young ladies, no joke.  So you can see where this is all going.

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Given I was the only real guy with professional obligations, I attend some conference sessions but in all honesty, they are not very good.  My teammates have started scouring the area for adult entertainment so after dinner and a walk down St. Catherines, we end up at a strip club further north on the outskirts of the city.  And the talent there is stunning.  With the lopsided exchange rate at the time, lap dances are less that $10 USD so of course we’re treating each other.  I spend most of my time with a lovely Hungarian blonde, Monika, who is absolutely exquisite.  And in Canada, you can certainly get away with a lot more than just looking.

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But of course after our first taste of Montreal’s nightlife our first night, things escalate and get out of hand quickly.  The long-time single guy, phones in for a French-Canadian escort and a day later, one of the married guys follows suit given his troubled marriage.  Shockingly, I’m one of the best-behaved on the trip and just watch my co-workers get into trouble.  And of course, a lot of fun.  Once we’re back in the office, there are a lot of hidden winks and smiles when we talk fondly of our business trip to Montreal.  I’m pretty sure I will NEVER top the adventures on that visit.

So when people tell me about their crazy stories about their latest business trip, I just nod my head and smile. Yeah, I’m sure you had a great time.  But…

And yes, then I stop myself and hold back my story.  What happens in Vegas and Montreal, stays there…

 

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Wait, did you see that?! – Naked Movie Memories

Does anyone else here think back and remember when you first caught your first sight of some nudity?  Some curvaceous part of the female form?  It might have been your dad’s Playboy magazines.  Or maybe a movie.  I remember being about 12 or 13 years old and visiting my friend Anson who’s family had Preview, the predecessor to cable TV.  We’d sneak downstairs to their second TV, keep the volume down and stare glassy-eyed at the occasional, nekkid breast that would pop up on the screen.  C’mon now we all did something like this!  And before the days of the Internet and DVD’s it wasn’t nearly as easy to find soft-core porn or R-rated nudity.  But I do remember a handful of seminal scenes and sexiness that still stand out in my head today.

SusanGeorgeStrawDogs

Straw Dogs with Dustin Hoffman and Susan George:  Yeah, this maybe shouldn’t have been a movie I saw as an adolescent because it is V-I-O-L-E-N-T.  I had no clue what the movie was really about but just remember a curvaceous Ms. George teasing the local town folk working on their house.  If you don’t know the movie, it leads to an explosive scene where the husband is led away on a hunt while his wife is attacked not once but twice and raped.  Whoa, I remember getting cramps watching this scene and not all of them pleasant.  Honestly it’s a pretty graphic movie and the intensity of the attack led to all sorts of confusing feelings.  But yes, it’s still in my little neurons.

Lia Beldam in The Shining

Probably the first R-rated movie I saw in the theater was the Shining.  As a Stephen King fan, I must have conned my dad into bringing me into this creepy, well-acted horror flick.  What in the WORLD was he thinking?!  If the horror and violence didn’t traumatize me, what about the nekkdiness?  So where’s the nudity you ask?  Well remember the scene when Jack Nicholson enters Room 237?  Woman in the tub showering and Jack just leers.  Slowly she pulls the shower curtain away and steps out.  Lithe, long, beautiful and young lady, this scene was probably my first view of full frontal nudity.  Whoa, I think I see some pubic hair there!  Slowly they embrace, kiss and bam!  A shot in the stomach as she morphs into an old, decaying putrid hag, OMG!  My feelings of young lust turn to pure horror in about 500 nano-seconds.  I think I’ve got some more boy-cramps going down…

phoebe-cates-i-love-you

So how about some pleasant nudity?!  Just some good ole T&A?  For that my friends, it has to be the seminal high school movie, Fast Times at Ridgemont High!  For most guys, the scene where Phoebe Cates comes out of the pool is the kicker.  She emerges, aphrodite like in a red bikini and slowly unbuttons the front clasp in a fantasy sequence.  Kapow!  Another kick in the gut for me!  Supposedly Fast Times VHS tapes all around the country had a dead spot on the movie right here where the scene was paused innumerable times in an attempt to capture Phoebe’s glory.  And I’m guessing Kevin Kline must have paused that flick a couple of times given the lucky guy ended up marrying her.

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But in all honesty, Phoebe wasn’t what got me going, it was Jennifer Jason Leigh, her young protege.  She was the high school girl that gets seduced by an older man in a baseball dugout and then in turn, seduces another guy friend in a pool cabana.  What made this scene was Jennifer Jason Leigh’s totally innocent sluttiness, I mean the guy was a total douche but she could not resist.  The song, Got to be Somebody’s Baby from Fast Times is still one of my favorites from the 80’s and I’m pretty sure I know why.  Given Jennifer Jason Leigh’s admirable film career decades later it’s funny to think about her as a little teen nympho!

In addition to the three above movies, I’d have to say that Caddyshack and 9 1/2 Week also stick in my head as some early, sexy naughtiness in the cinema that’s emblazoned in my head.  As a horny young teenager, I’m pretty sure we all have our memorable movie moments and decades later you know what, they’re still sorta sexy!  Peace out…

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