After a lot of years on this earth, I’ve come to the realization that dating is NOT easy. Even when it is sort of easy! But I can certainly look back over the years and say I have definitely gotten better over time. Women that I would have thought were attractive in my early 20’s weren’t so much in my 30’s and so on. Getting older means more experience and a better understanding of what’s important to you as a man and what you’re looking for in a woman. To be honest with you, I couldn’t have imagined that I would be dating the quality of women that I am in my later years versus when I was younger.
So what’s the secret? Is there a secret? I wouldn’t say that there are any secrets but there are ways you can be better at the dating game. Those pick-up artist techniques may work every once in a while but probably not with women you’d want for the long term. Hopefully you’re looking for a gal you can bring home to mom, that’s certainly what I’m going for!
1.) Be the best version of yourself. You may not be born with all of God’s natural gifts but you certainly have to make the most of what you have. Go to the gym, get your hair cut by a decent barber or stylist, wear clothes that suits your body type in flattering colors. Learn how to be a decent conversationalist and have a couple of hobbies or passions you care about OTHER then video games. Even though I may like video games from time to time, no one really cares about your virtual, gaming achievement. Unless she’s a big-time gamer!
2.) Be a good conversationalist. Oddly enough, a good conversationalist is not about talking, it’s about active listening. That means listen to someone’s stories, don’t be waiting for a pause for you to talk about yourself. Ask real questions about what they’ve told you. Be active and be present when you listen. If I see a dude yapping away, non-stop with a woman just nodding her head, I know he has no clue. Just listen because women want to talk, appreciate being heard and treated like any other person beyond the romantic part of things.
3.) Don’t have an agenda, be in the moment. What does that mean? If you’re able to get a date with someone you like, your mind may be spinning a bit in anticipation for what you hope may happen. When you’re in that mode, it comes off as a bit desperate. The biggest part of dating a woman is spending time with her and you have to just see where things go. If she’s interested, she’ll send out the signals so certainly try to escalate but if the opening isn’t there, just sit back and enjoy the time together. This type of emotional discipline is tough but reading women is a skill you need to get better at to date effectively.
4.) Be where women are. Well this one is remarkably simple but not as easy as it sounds. If you work or study in environments where there are more women than men, the odds will be significantly in your favor. That means if you study the hard sciences, IT technology or do construction type work, you’ve got an uphill climb. If you’re in more women-friendly fields like healthcare, marketing, teaching, retail or PR, you’re got a lot more options. Women tend to be suspicious of men when out and about so if you just happen to be around them during work or studies, you’ve got an advantage. Plus you’ll just be more comfortable around women which helps a LOT. Lack of desperation is attractive. 🙂
5.) Sometimes you only get one shot. A woman will open herself up to the possibility of the two of you being romantically involved and you may miss the signal. Guess what my friend, that door is probably not going to open up again, anytime soon. If you do have a fun and interesting 1st date, you don’t have to close the deal right there and then. Oftentimes the 2nd and 3rd date is the real charm and she’ll be open to scenarios where things can go further (spending time privately vs in public). Even if a woman is really interested in you, she may want to give things a bit of time to simmer. That wait and anticipation is what makes things fun so if you get a 2nd or 3rd date, you’re doing well! Just don’t cock it up! Show romantic interest in a flirty way and make sure she’s enjoying it. If you do screw it up, move on…
6.) Don’t be creepy! There’s a lot of social information online whether you’re talking about Instagram, Facebook or what have you. You may be curious about somebody and research that information but there’s a difference between curious and stalking. Let her open up to you with the details of her life, see Tip #2. If she likes you, getting to know her will be on her terms and that’s a good thing. Lots of guys mistake being creepy or acting like a jerk as flirting. You need to know better…
In the end, women are a lot like men and often looking for the same things. Sometimes it’s companionship, sometimes it’s flirting, sometimes it’s sex. But what they are WAY better at than men are is not being too obvious when they are interested. For the most part, you’ll have to push the pace but be sensitive enough not to push too hard. But one thing I do look for is what I call the unblinking eye. It’s when you first meet a woman and she just stares at you, locked in on you and what you’re saying. She’s not distracted, she’s not looking around elsewhere, she’s focused on you and that’s probably a very good thing. Very subtle but take note! So good luck out there when it comes to dating, you only get what you put into it like everything else in life….
Lingoistics 